


oniGIRI

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Category: One Piece
Genre: Fluff, Humour, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: It's Zoro's least favourite day of the year. Unfortunately, there's no escaping it on their ship - not when the chef has anything to do with it. ZoroxSanji
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 9
Kudos: 118





	oniGIRI

**Author's Note:**

> oniGIRI
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: ZoroxSanji, Valentine’s, pranks, fluff, humour.
> 
> Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda.
> 
> Rating: G? PG?
> 
> Okay, so you probably looked at the tags and thought “what the actual fuck, TCSH? Valentine’s was in February!! You posted a break up fic, don’t you remember??” and I hear what you’re saying. Yes, typically Valentine’s _is_ celebrated in February and since I’m from one of the countries that does it then, this is considered very late. But… Do you really expect me to play along with things like that at this point? If so, you have not been paying attention to how I work at all (lol)
> 
> The thing is, [Valentine’s isn’t always celebrated in February](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day#Celebration_and_status_worldwide)! It takes place in different times depending on where you are in the world! Today is Valentine’s in Brazil, for example. I didn’t even get this idea until a few days later anyway, so my options were wait a year or post it on another date. Waiting an entire year seemed like a pain in the ass… I’d probably forget by then or something. Plus, it’s nice to post this on a day that isn’t common – it must be weird to read fics like this four months early and then not get any at the time you celebrate it. So, with these as my excuses here we are.
> 
> Now, there’s a pun in here that I’ve had to explain within the text, relating to how Japan does Valentine’s day. If you’re familiar with their customs, cool! If not, you’re gonna learn. Might as well, eh?
> 
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After a hard late-morning workout, Zoro had decided to take a break from swinging his weights and attempt some meditation. There was no point in over-stressing his muscles so early in the day after all; more benefit in giving his body time to rest whilst training his mind instead, sharpen every part of him so he could reach even greater heights.

As the swordsman sat down on his bench and closed his eyes, he felt the slight stinging and straining in his body from the push-ups he’d been doing just before. The tell-tale ache that told him he’d been doing it right, that balancing his largest weight on his feet had been a good idea. Not only for strengthening his arms but building up the muscles in his legs as well – helping him be able to move around more easily, have faster reaction times when he needed them.

Just as he was starting to empty his mind properly, Zoro felt the energy of someone coming closer. Knowing well enough from the familiarity of it that it was most likely to be the cook, though why he was on his way over was a bit of a mystery. It was rare for Sanji to head up here in the first place but especially at this time of day, when the sun was still out and everyone else on the ship would undoubtedly be awake. Perhaps he just wanted to have a smoke whilst looking behind them for once, or was taking a scenic route whilst in search of someone else.

Of course, that thought was stopped as soon as he heard the cook’s shoes on the ladder. No one else really used this room though Franky had made it for all of them, so chances were that the blond was looking for him. Probably to pick a fight or something, nothing too exciting as Sanji was overly cautious about being found with Zoro in daylight hours.

The thing was, the swordsman wasn’t really in the mood for that right now; wanting to rest his body instead of pushing it further. The idiot was just going to have to be disappointed, would know better upon seeing him and opt to leave in favour of bothering someone else. For the most part, he was actually pretty good at knowing when to pick his fights; having made the mistake once of bugging Zoro whilst he was meditating and ending up panicking as he’d been pinned onto the floor and kissed for his troubles.

Zoro had ended up with a foot in his stomach at the time but since then Sanji had been smart enough to leave him alone. Realising that coming to rile him up for a fight in those situations would end up in something else, something he wasn’t prepared to engage in when there was even the slightest chance someone would find them. It didn’t matter how many times Zoro had assured him no one was around; the cook was paranoid about being found out, of having his ‘ladies man’ persona revealed as the sham it was. He needn’t have been so bothered about that though – it wasn’t like anyone but Sanji thought of him that way anyway.

The best thing for Zoro to do when Sanji got up here was to ignore him. Pretend he wasn’t there, act like he hadn’t even noticed him. Let the cook see what he was doing and skulk off elsewhere, just focus on trying to meditate now that his body was calming down.

Much to Zoro’s confusion, Sanji didn’t leave as soon as he entered the room. What he was doing was quite obvious, so why hadn’t the cook just turned around and exited as soon as he’d seen it? Footsteps on the floor told him that Sanji was in fact getting closer rather than leaving, causing him to crack his eye open to see what the hell was going on.

As he’d thought, Sanji was walking over to him slowly, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a lit cigarette in his mouth. Seeming the same as usual, except he was carrying something with him that almost completely destroyed any calm that Zoro had managed to get at this point. Reminding him of why he’d opted to be up here so early, why he’d basically run off after breakfast instead of hanging out with everyone for a while like normal.

Zoro looked at Sanji suspiciously, eyeing the neatly wrapped package in his hands with distrust. Oh no. Not this shit; the one day of the year he hated more than the others, with more frustration to him than the rest of them combined.

Goddamn Valentine’s day.

Last time they’d had one of these as a group, he’d been forced by Luffy and Nami to eat some of the chocolate that Sanji had made even though he’d tried to decline. Though they knew he hated sweet things in general, let alone on a day where he was obligated to go along with people’s whims just so he wouldn’t hurt their feelings.

No one on the crew knew this but back in Shimotsuki village where he’d grown up, the swordsman had been subjected to this holiday every year. Always ending up with women and girls trying to pass him chocolates, despite practically everyone knowing he never accepted them. A rumour going round as he got older that it was because he was in love with Kuina – one Zoro had leaned into though it wasn’t like that, hoping it’d put people off.

In truth he wasn’t sure entirely what his feelings for her had been; too busy thinking of ways to beat her to consider it as more than rivalry on his part, though it wasn’t like he couldn’t see where they were coming from. By the time he had chance to think on it, it was far too late to matter. Whether the feelings were romantic in origin or not, it wouldn’t change anything now so he’d opted to not dig into it. It’d just be a waste of time, and Zoro hated doing things like that.

When he’d left his village Zoro had been pleased to escape all of that nonsense, hadn’t been planning on ever letting it into his life again. Little did he know he’d end up on a pirate ship where people cared about it and made him celebrate. He thought he’d learned his lesson from last time and had holed himself up in his training room to avoid it, but of course the damned cook had to come all the way up here just to force him to partake.

“Whatever that is, I don’t want it.” Zoro grumbled, closing his eye and firmly keeping his arms crossed. Hoping that the uncaring posture and refusal would put Sanji off, though at this point he knew better. When Sanji made you something, the bastard would keep pushing it at you until you accepted it, whether it was food or anything else he’d put his time into. No doubt this would end up the same.

He was proved right when he felt Sanji sit next to him on the bench, heard the unmistakeable noise of the parcel being opened. Groaning internally as he felt Sanji shift closer, the sensation of something being pressed against his lips. Dammit.

Zoro opened his eye to see the cook looking at him with a bit of a pout on his lips, a pleading look in his eye that made his insides twist uncomfortably. Ahhhh, shit. He hated himself for being weak to that expression, knowing full well that he always ended up giving into it though he tried his best not to.

It wasn’t just that it was cute, but that seeing it on him made Zoro feel weird. Put on the spot, as though his actions would make or break the entire day for Sanji. Annoying and frustrating, since this was one of the biggest reasons he hated this stupid holiday in the first place; the hopeful looks that eventually degraded into sulking – ones that hadn’t really worked on him until he’d met this blond bastard. Until now he’d never really cared about them, but there was just something about when Sanji did it that hit him right in the chest. Zoro didn’t like it.

“Just one?” Sanji begged, tilting his head in that obnoxious way that made his eyes look bigger, made it harder to say no to him. “I made them with your tastes in mind.”

Zoro felt understandably trapped at this point. If he kept refusing, he was going to end up with chocolate smudged on his face anyway; he may as well just get it over with, eat the one damn chocolate before he ended up with a sulking cook on top of a messy face. A brooding Sanji wasn’t really worth it overall, usually ended up in him doing whatever to appease him. When Sanji got like that, he wouldn’t engage in banter or fights, would turn away at every opportunity and ignore him as much as possible. Acting like a spoilt brat until he got what he wanted, pissing off the swordsman into giving in because he hated being given the cold shoulder.

He scowled before he opened his mouth, unsurprised by Sanji pushing the chocolate through his lips the second he had the chance. Just letting it sit on his tongue for a moment, tasting the bitter flavour of what must have been dark chocolate as it began to melt in his mouth.

Alright, fine. If it wasn’t too sweet he guessed he could put up with that. Had it been sickly, he was intending to spit it out. Sanji would have hated that and kicked him for it, but it would have been his own damn fault for being pushy if that happened.

Zoro shifted it in his mouth and bit down, feeling it break easily as something oozed out onto his tongue. For a second he was about to growl at being deceived but as the taste of brandy filled his mouth he blinked. This wasn’t just any brandy – it wasn’t cloyingly sweet, more earthy and with undertones of orange. Not unpleasant at all, and not what he’d been expecting despite the cook telling him it had been made just for him.

His positive reaction must have shown on his face because Sanji suddenly started grinning, the cigarette in his mouth puffing out smoke that was somehow in the shape of hearts. Easy to read as always, clearly happy with the result.

“We had some cognac in,” Sanji all but purred, his voice oddly smooth and seductive. “Figured you’d appreciate it.”

Whilst he wasn’t wrong, Zoro knew better than to assume this was only for his benefit. It was no secret that Sanji didn’t like the stuff; having grumbled about how it was nutritionally pointless enough times for everyone on the crew to be aware of his distaste for it. How they’d ended up with it in the first place, the swordsman didn’t know – the cook wouldn’t buy it so it had probably been a gift or something. Not a bad thing for him, of course, since now he’d get to drink the whole thing without being complained at, but still.

As he swallowed what was in his mouth, Sanji picked up another from the pile and lifted it towards him.

“Another?”

Though Zoro wanted to say no – more to stick by his principles than anything – he instead let out a grunt. Shifting his gaze to the piece between Sanji’s fingers, noticing it had been moulded in the shape of onigiri. Almost wanting to groan at the stupidity of the damn thing, not needing to see the rest of the ones the cook had made to know that Nami’s and Robin’s would likely have taken the form of hearts.

There was something about it that made him displeased, an inkling that there was some kind of joke here that he was missing. It didn’t take him long to figure out; knowing well by now the difference between chocolate you gave out of obligation (giri) and the stuff you gave with your whole heart behind it (honmei). Though his was technically the latter – they’d been together for a while – it was evident that not only had Sanji intended to make it look like obligation chocolate but had done so with a goddamn pun.

Oni _giri_ chocolate. Of fucking course.

Zoro wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or pissed off by this, didn’t know whether to openly acknowledge the joke or not. He didn’t want to make the bastard any happier than he was right now, felt like he’d done enough to appease him on this subject today.

At his lack of meaningful response, Sanji let out a sigh and removed the cig from his lips, holding it to the side as he placed the chocolate on his own tongue. Leaning in closer whilst staring at him, clearly offering him a kiss in exchange for humouring him this time. Zoro gripped tightly at his own arms from surprise, feeling his face flush slightly at the bold gesture that was unlike Sanji to do.

Clearly this meant more to the idiot than he’d been anticipating if he was trying this – Sanji would end up having to taste the cognac too, would have to eat as much or as little of it as Zoro made him. Unwilling to throw away any food, even if it tasted bad or he disliked it.

Ughhhh fine!

Zoro grabbed Sanji by the shoulders and pulled him that little bit closer, drawing his tongue and the ridiculous sweet into his mouth though he was displeased about it. Pushing the damn thing into his cheek so he could kiss Sanji properly, the ashy slickness of the cook’s tongue much more preferable to him though he wouldn’t say so.

Sanji murmured into his mouth as he kissed him back, lifting a hand to poke at Zoro’s cheek and force the chocolate back where he could taste it. Bastard. Zoro tried to ignore it but couldn’t for long; distracted from Sanji’s tongue as a sickly-sweet mint started enveloping his senses. Not only filling his mouth but the flavour spreading up his throat and tickling at his nose, causing him to yank back and splutter.

Zoro’s eye snapped to the overjoyed look on Sanji’s face as the cook quickly hopped out of his reach and started laughing. The package of chocolates left on the workout bench next to him, another three sitting there like Sanji expected him to still eat them after this. Like hell!

His hand was grabbing Wadou’s hilt as he got up from his seat, staring daggers at Sanji as he thought over exactly how to slice him for his bullshit. The cook must have sensed he meant business, taking fast but still graceful jumps towards the ladder, putting his cigarette back in his mouth and smirking smugly around it. Ready to escape if he took even one step closer, though Zoro was prepared to chase him around the entire fucking ship if he had to. Obnoxious teasing little prick!

“The rest of those are cognac.” Sanji gestured to the bench in amusement, already slipping a leg onto the rung of the ladder. “It’ll get the taste out of your mouth.”

Before Zoro could get over to him, Sanji was already gone. Having dropped down the ladderhole in an instant without bothering for his safety, the swordsman hearing the beating of his shoes on the floor below just as he reached the ladder. The slam of a door told him the slippery bastard had already gotten too far for him to follow; too many routes he could take for Zoro to figure out which and hunt him down.

With the taste of sweet mint still lingering in his mouth, Zoro let out a low exhale and re-sheathed his sword. Pointless to chase after him now, not when he had no clue where the little shit would be hiding. It’d be easier to just save this displeasure for later, when he could catch him off-guard and with nowhere to run, plenty of time between now and then to figure out what exactly to do to him in return. It wasn’t hard to imagine several things the cook wouldn’t like; the problem would be picking just one of them. As far as Zoro was concerned, he deserved them all.

Warily, the swordsman looked back to the chocolates that Sanji had left behind. He wanted to get rid of the sweetness in his mouth but he wasn’t so sure that the leftovers could be trusted. This seemed to be a kind of Russian roulette, but since he’d already had two different kinds he couldn’t tell what the rest were.

Would they all be different flavours? Had Sanji marked the mint one so he knew which it was? Would the rest all be mint and just the first one was cognac to lure him into a false sense of security?

Zoro groaned. The possibilities were endless and he didn’t really feel like giving them another try. At this point he didn’t doubt that Sanji would prank him by making the rest sweet as well – why else would he have run off in such a hurry? He wasn’t going to fall into that trap again, would give the rest to Luffy when he saw him next so they didn’t go to waste.

Not especially because Zoro hated wasting food but because he knew that the Captain wouldn’t forgive him if he did. Neither would Sanji, for that matter. Hell, as long as he didn’t have to eat it himself he didn’t care.

Rolling his shoulders to relieve the tension that had built up in them over this, Zoro sighed again. Feeling the odd coolness in his mouth, smelling it in the air around his face. He didn’t hate mint in general but this was overwhelmingly sweet, traces of the crème still seeming to cling to his teeth. It reminded him of toothpaste, of brushing his teeth first thing in the morning when he’d woken up. Usually washed away with a few gargles of water, which he didn’t have in here.

Instead of going to get any, Zoro shrugged off his coat and grabbed one of his weights. Opting to be petty and let his frustration fuel his workout; put these feelings to good use since he was already having them. Annoyed with himself for being swayed by Sanji’s insistence, disappointed by his own decision to kiss the bastard when he should have known better. Though he was definitely going to get his revenge on him for this later, Zoro made up his mind to do literally anything else next year.

In hindsight his training room was not a good hiding spot at all; he’d have been better off hanging out in the sick bay… That or just jumping overboard and swimming after the ship instead of being on it. Whatever it took to ensure he never had to deal with this shit ever again, though he doubted it was going to be that easy.

But such considerations were not at the forefront of his mind at this moment. Could wait since they were a long time away, wouldn’t really need thinking about until closer to the time. Right now he had his revenge to plan – and Zoro was going to make sure that it either equalled or exceeded what had been done to him.


End file.
